Mass Costs Money: How I’m Gaining Back 15 Lbs Of Muscle On A Budget


Two years ago, I was laid off from my awesome job in Advertising, complete with a sixteenth-floor view overlooking downtown Jacksonville and all the Keurig coffee I could drink. Since then, I’ve lost between fifteen and twenty pounds. I know what you’re thinking, “if only,” or, “I bet a lot of people would love to lose that much weight in that amount of time.” Fair enough; I get it. The point is that I wasn’t trying to lose any weight. Worst case scenario, I wanted to maintain my normal weight that rarely extended beyond the 195 to 200-pound range that I’ve maintain for the better part of the past fifteen years. I was perfectly happy with my weight, muscle mass, and body fat percentage.


Fast forward to today, and I’ve begun to hear from the people around me that I’m looking…”skinny.” The kiss of death for men. Again, I can audibly hear the eye rolls and people telling me to shut the fuck up and stop complaining and I totally have that coming. The problem is that when I lose weight, that hard-fought muscle ass that I spent years putting on is always the first thing to go, resulting in my arms being a shadow of their former glory, my legs looking like skinny, pale shanks, and my formerly round derrierre reverting to pancake status. Hank Hill, diminished-glute territory is not far.


So, in an effort to gain back some weigh without going into the red, here is a list of some of the things I make sure to have in the house that won’t require a Visa Black Card:

  1. Eggs
  2. Greek Yoghurt
  3. Whole Wheat/Whole Grain Breads
  4. Bananas
  5. Cottage Cheese
  6. Spinach
  7. Beets
  8. Reduced-Fat Shredded Cheese
  9. Avocados
  10. Lean Ground and Sliced Turkey
  11. Strawberries
  12. Blueberries


This is not a definitive list, as a big problem that led to my muscles atrophying is simply not eating enough, which was NEVER a problem in the past. I’m giving myself a goal of fifteen pounds in three months, so we’ll see how things have progressed by Christmastime.

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