It’s three days before Halloween, and your procrastinating ass still doesn’t have the slightest clue as to what you’re gonna wear for that costume party you’ve been invited to. Maybe you think you’re too cool for school. Maybe you don’t have the $120 to spend on an outfit you’re only gonna wear for a few hours or, at best, to two separate parties.
But here’s a harsh dose of reality: the guy who goes to a Halloween party sans costume is as unwelcomed as the guy who yells “Freebird” at every concert he goes to. Here’s a few ways you can pull off a great costume using the clothes in your very own closet.
1. The Beastie Boys from “Sabotage”
Maybe the funniest music video of all time, the Beastie Boys’ 1994 video for “Sabotage” not only spoofed 70s cop shows like Starsky & Hutch and CHiPs, but it also gave college boys who hung out in groups of three the perfect costume inspiration. All you need to look like Cochise and company is a shitty wig, fake mustache, and your most ill-fitting slacks and shirts to start intervewing perps and chasing scumbags. Don’t forget the sweet Aviators and a fucking thorn in your side.
2. Your Favorite Reservoir Dog
You + five friends + black suits and ties + a pair of Wayfarers = one of the easiest yet most effective group costume ideas since using a white sheet with holes poked in it for a ghost. Every man should have a slim-cut black suit and tie, so there’s no excuse not to have this in your Halloween repertoirs. Bonus points if you get a chubby friend in a tracksuit to be Chris Penn’s character.
3. Tyler Durden
The first two rules of a certain organization prevent me from divulging too much info on this one, but if you have a red jacket, bug-eyed sunglasses, and some soap, you too can look like Jack’s alter ego, Tyler Durden. Get your girl to dress as Marla Singer and you’ll have your own Project Mayhem.
4. Steve Zissou
You may not have an all baby-blue outfit and Adidas (you should,) but you could easily find a red ski cap. Play some Bowie from the ghetto blaster you’ll be carrying around and you’ll own the night.
5. Joaquin Phoenix from “Her”
Porn ‘stache. Specs. Frumpy paedo outfit. Iphone. Done.
6. For Couples, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Can’t get friends together for your Reservoir Dogs ensemble, have the missus put on a killer black cocktail dress and head out as the world’s sexiest married assassins. Just leave the guns at home though, kids.
7. Marty McFly
Grab a red vest, denim jackt, and jeans and prepare to hit 88 MPH! If you really wanna go for it, make your own Mattel hoverboard.